Blood Sugar Sex Magik

What happened along the way? When did 80’s & 90’s music become ancient? What the hell is EDM (electronic dance music)? Better yet, why?? Honestly, I can’t wrap my head around it. Maybe I’m old but I want to watch a video with David Lee Roth dancing around in leopard patterned tights, I want not so much material on my Material Girl, I want to hear the struggles of gang bangn’ and drive byes in Compton. Please enough with pushing the key on a MacBook and getting all the techno like sounds to explode from a 13 inch computer with beats produced in Garage band! I want to hear about 4 guys getting together in a studio and sweating and fighting for hours while they knock out the next Home Sweet Home. Give me more Axl, Kurt, John and Paul. I want to hear Snoop rattle off G’s up, Hoes down, not something that sounds like it came from a robots ass! Maybe like our parents before us, I just don’t understand the generation that is about to take over. That’s fine I guess, by please “Play that funky music white boy”..

Christian Michael

Silence of Many; Sound of One

I say nothing, because I am something. Long ago there were words. Nothing left except the chirps of birds. The great Eagle swoops down and takes out the silence. With a big boom leaves the silent wondering what the hell am I doing ignoring life around me. Once again there is chatter. However, the chatter is only coming from a single point and echoes all around. Many have turned into only one, and that one only has the sound of itself.

 

Christian Michael

 

Mirror Mirror on that fucking wall

 

Some people in life find it hard to love themselves.  I was one of those folks when I exited my teen years and entered my 20’s.  I had moved away from Pennsylvania and followed part of my family down to Florida.  I had to start over in my early 20’s and I found that challenging.  I hung around bars and clubs waiting for people to talk to me.  That wasn’t happening.  I didn’t start to come out of my shell until I became a bartender.  There are those in life who just sit back and wait for the world to come to them and that just doesn’t happen.  You got to believe in who you are and put yourself out there. 

 

Over the years, I’ve become comfortable with myself.  I’ve fluctuated over the years to being fit and in shape to looking like a Lego block.  No matter what, I still love myself.  I get accused of loving myself too much. Oh, fucking well. What do you expect? I’m one great motherfucker!  Sure, a little cocky at times.  But that’s okay if you can back it up.  At times, I’m witty and at other times I bomb with my humor.  But guess what I don’t stop doing?  That’s right! Loving myself.  I got a hell of a sexy cool wife who puts up with my shit and 4 beautiful kiddos that tolerate me. What’s the secret you ask? Take 1 cup sperm, 4 cups humor and add the wife’s eggs and BAM!!! 4 fucking awesome kids.  Oh, you meant the secret for them not killing me.

 

So, you’re probably thinking. This guy is such a douche stick! This post makes no sense.  Yeah, probably not. But no matter what you try to do in life, for instance go back to college and graduate when you’re 43 years old, teach yourself how to play the guitar, or attempt to recapture your early college years when you were an English major.  You got to try and do what makes you smile in life.  Take that smile to your mirror, take a deep look into your own soul and tell yourself “You are one sexy, funny, confident motherfucker and nobody can tear you down!”  That’s the secret folks. Now go do this and have one wonderful motherfucking day!

 

 

 

Christian Michael 

 

Snowman

Two of my kiddos are boys.  My second and fourth kid are of the male species.  There are many challenges raising kids.  Both girls and boys are full of challenges.  In this post, we will talk about some of the ones I have with the sons.  They emulate me a lot!  Good behaviors, bad habits and silly behaviors are picked up from me.  Like I stated in my first post, it is a must to laugh every day.  At yourself, at others and at what is going on in the world. 

 One of the major challenges I have with my boys are that they are not good sharp shooters.  I know what you are thinking. What, I didn’t know this blog was about guns!  Well, it is.  What I mean by sharp shooting is that my boys cannot aim for shit when it comes to taking a piss in the morning.  They get piss on the floor, on the walls and on the toilet.  Shit, they get piss everywhere except in the fucking toilet.  I don’t remember it being that difficult to handle my own pistol when I was their age.  Maybe their hands are too tired from holding Xbox controllers 24/7 and when it comes to their own body they just let it fire wherever it goes.  Here’s what I have promised my boys.  When they one day get married, I’m going to show up at their homes and the first thing I want to do is utilize their bathrooms.  I told them payback is a bitch.

Boys are funny.  We are proud of our penises. We like to touch that shit and show it off.  From pretending it’s a whammy bar on a Fender electric guitar playing a show as Eddie Van Halen to just wanting to show it off as a youngster.  I remember years ago, when my oldest son was about four or five years old.  He took pride in showing off his member through the window.  Issue here was the window was facing a playground in base housing.  He certainly was interested in being a showman since his younger years.  Now he’s about 10 years older and probably doesn’t remember that moment.  However, it is my job to ensure that his future girlfriends know about it. 

Finally, onto my youngest.  The biggest knucklehead of all of us.  He sure loves snowmen.  The story I will pass on to his significant other someday will be the one especially about how he built his first one.  One day not so long ago, he was taking a shower.  Once he finished and got out to dry off, he decided to sprinkle baby powder onto his body.  Well, this knuckle head called me into the bathroom and said “Dad, look a snowman!”  He decided to mound up the powder over his penis and name it the snowman.  Comedic genius!  I basically pissed myself laughing and took to social media to share that moment with a quick recap.

Folks, having a good laugh every day is vital to life itself.  There is so much shit we must put up with in the world.  People are dying every day because of wars, cancer and poverty. You can choose to be miserable and look at the shit storms going on in life as a way of life, or you can look at the small things that we have and smile.  Don’t overlook what goes on under your own roof.  There is probably a real-life sitcom right in front of your own nose. I certainly know there is one right in front of mine. 

 

Christian Michael

Hello e-World

So here I sit wanting to start up my first blog.  I really am unsure of how this journey will go, but without taking chances in life we just sit around wondering “what if”.  The last 19 years have been a journey for me.  I decided at 25 years old to take a leap of faith and do something different with my life.  The decision I made was from the flip of a coin.  To be precise it was a quarter.  Tails would have been to take a bus to California and try my hand at acting.  A flip to the head’s side was a visit to a military recruiter’s office to sign my life away for four years.  Heads it was and I walked into an Army recruiter’s office.  The conversation with that Army Sergeant lasted less than three minutes.  The excitement and exuberance coming from this Sergeant to recruit me was over the top.  I decided then to enter the office next door which belonged to an Air Force recruiter.  I listened to him and decided that was the place I wanted to start my journey.  My plan was to enlist for four years and then get out so I can contribute to American society as a responsible adult.  Unknown to me that this journey would hook me in for the next 19 years.  But my story isn’t a military story.  It’s not full of war, action or adventure.  My story is a life story.  Over the past 19 years I married a beautiful woman, had four gorgeous kiddos and lived my life with one mantra; Laugh every day! Some of my stories will make you laugh, some will make you cry and some will make you think that I am one stupid mother fucker.  But I promise if you end up following my blog, I will at least make you think. Some of the things we may have in common and there will be things we do not.  Different walks of life may make different decisions, but the decisions we make are best for ourselves and the ones we care about.  So, strap in and get ready.  One thing I promise is that it will be fun. 

 

Christian Michael